How I deal with twins on my own

This is one question that I get asked very frequently. People always ask me how I manage twins by myself and how I make it look so easy. So I put together a list to share with you some of the things that help me get through the week. 1) Accept help. As much as you want to do everything yourself, you WILL need help. The first couple months after a baby is born, it will be extremely challenging and you will want to get as much support as you can, whether it be from family and/or friends.  

Our boys were born in January and Hubby started school in March. He was home with me every day for the first two months. The first month after childbirth in Chinese culture, also known as 'postpartum confinement', is where the mother essentially stays at home (no seriously, you literally do not leave the house) using that month to nurse herself back to health, eating specific foods that is proven to help the body recover. Honestly Hubby and I really didn't know what kind of things were expected to be done with this tradition so our parents helped us out a lot. They cooked me dinner and made soup, helped out with the babies and made sure I got enough rest. I will have to say that our parents were not insistent on me following every single item from the list of this Chinese tradition and thank goodness because there are a lot. I did end up leaving the house multiple times during this first month due to all the doctor's visits and the fact that Grayson was in the NICU a week longer before he was discharged to come home. We are extremely grateful for our parents and all that they have done.  We definitely wouldn't have survived this month without them. From March onwards, my dad moved in and my mother-in-law came over often. We hired a cleaning lady to come and clean for us every 2 weeks. (Honestly, I would almost say it is a necessity for a twin mom.) Friends would come over with takeout and offer to help babysit so we could do some things around the house and sometimes even get some shut-eye. Having help was the only time we could get a little bit of rest but it was still so exhausting. When the boys turned 6 months in July, I decided I was ready to handle them by myself. Dad moved back home and my mother-in-law came over less. Our families would still come over every so often to bring food and watch the boys, especially when I felt like I needed a break. I feel like the biggest challenge for me even now is making meals while trying to entertain/tend to two kids. Having someone prepare meals for me makes life so much easier. Otherwise I tend to do a lot of my cooking on Sunday when Hubby is home and use the slowcooker to cook a lot of my meals which I can freeze and then just reheat through the week. I think the important thing about this first point is accepting help as you need it. Don't feel pressured to accept help that you don't think you need. Do what is right for you. Every little bit helps. 2) Make some mom friends. Yes, you have your usual group of friends and sure they're great but mom friends are the ones who will really truly understand you as another fellow mom. They will be the ones you look to message at 4am when you're up breastfeeding because you know they are up too. They will be the ones you rant to when your baby won't sleep and has been crying for the past 2 hours. They will be the ones who invite you over for dinner when you're too tired to cook. When the boys were 3 months of age, I started going on mom dates with some friends who had babies around the same time I did. At that time I wasn't comfortable taking both babies out because God forbid they both start crying at the same time.... I really wouldn't know what to do. So I would take one baby out with me and leave one at home with my dad or my in-law. These mom dates usually consisted of lunch, coffee or a stroll at the mall. I was out for only a couple hours at a time since I was pumping for the boys and I needed to keep my supply up.

These mom dates were so refreshing and I finally felt like someone could understand what I was going through. Someone to share breastfeeding tips with, what the best teethers are, how to sleep train... Most of my mom friends are acquaintances or friends of friends that I met before but we bonded over the love of babies. Others I met at a playgroup or online in mommy groups or Instagram. No matter which way, TRUST ME, these new friends will be life savers. 3) Make time for yourself. Go to the gym. Get a massage. Have a girls night. Enjoy a glass of wine. You need to find time for yourself. If you're like me, you will put your children first. They are and always will be number one priority. You make sure that they are clothed, changed, fed, and content before you do anything for yourself. Sometimes I forget to go to the bathroom all day. Other days I'll skip lunch or dinner but seriously becoming a mom doesn't mean you have to lose yourself.

After my boys were born I felt unhappy and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. They say your emotions will be high the first couple months due to all the new changes in your life. I loved being a mom but I felt guilty because a part of me missed my old life. It was difficult trying to manage two newborns and do the things that I loved to do pre-baby. Luckily with some help from Hubby and our families, I was able to get some time for myself and even some one-on-one dates with the Hubby. Something I started doing since I began dealing with the babies on my own is going to the gym. Ever since the beginning of my pregnancy I knew I wanted to get back into shape after childbirth. I mean, who doesn't right? The first 6 months postpartum I wanted to but I wasn't motivated. I was exhausted and just not very consistent. Just going to the gym at our townhouse once a week or so. Of course with two babies I also knew I needed someone to watch the kids while I went to workout. I did some research on gyms that provided child care. I procrastinated for the longest time even after doing the research and finally one day I decided enough was enough. I think my biggest motivation was being able to wear a bikini after without feeling self-conscious. I signed up. I started off by going 2-3 days a week and I definitely felt more energized and less drained (surprisingly). That hour to two hours actually makes a world of difference. In a day where the kids are up say approximately 12 hours a day, being able to leave the kids for 2 hours is great. And the gym provides toys, television, rockers, and swings to keep the kids occupied. It is a win-win situation where the kids gets to interact with other people and kids and I get to work on getting back into shape.  And c'mon let's face it, momming is a 24 hour job. We all deserve a break. and maybe even a Kit Kat. Treat yourself. :) 4) Get into a routine. Getting into a routine is a must for me. It helps ensure predictability and stability. We started the boys with a routine right when the boys first came home from the hospital. They would eat, sleep and get changed at the same times. Hubby changed one, I changed one. Hubby fed one, I fed one. My boys are almost 10 months now. They eat 3 solid meals (snack in between) and take two naps during the day. I usually give them a bottle before every nap and put them to bed at 7pm. They sleep for 12 hours, wake at 7am and talk to each other for an hour (awww, So cute right?) before I feed them their morning milk and breakfast. I usually try and go to gym between 9:30 and 10 for an hour or two. Their bedtime schedule goes something like this: dinner, bath time, cuddles, story time, lights out, kisses, goodnight.

It is easier for myself and the babies when we can both anticipate the events of the day and well, it was mostly for my sanity too. Honestly, it is hard dealing with one child, nevermind two. Two crying babies is a nightmare in my books. By the end of the day I am completely exhausted and after I put the boys to bed I still have work to do. 5) Be flexible. Yes, you can be flexible while still trying to work with a routine. Because I'm by myself on the weekdays, I don't usually go out for dinner Monday to Friday. It's just a lot of work to take the babies out past their bedtime. 7pm is more often than not their bedtime but sometimes if the kids take later naps (around 5pm instead of their usual 3pm-4pm), I will play with them for an hour extra hour or two before I put them to bed. On the rare occasion I will go out for dinner but usually by the time they get home (8-9pm) they are exhausted and after getting them changed, they fall asleep in their cribs right away. The first couple weeks after I started dealing with the boys alone, they were SO fussy. They were really used to having that extra person to hold them and attend to their needs. Since I was by myself,  if both babies cried at the same time, I established that I would have to let one baby cry. There is definitely no way I was going to carry both of them together. (Ok I admit, I still do that once in awhile...) It was hard.  I discovered that the boys loved car rides and strolling in the stroller. Apparently most babies do. So whenever the boys got super cranky, I would put them in the car and drive out to the mall, or the grocery store or the coffee shop just to get get some quiet time while the boys napped or well, at least didn't cry. Bottom line is, it is important to try and get into a routine but it is more important that you are able to adapt because the truth is these babies are growing up way too fast and each and every single day is a different challenge. 

Remember, everyone is different and every child is different. What might work for me, might not work for you and vice versa. You gotta do what you gotta do. Being a mom is not an easy job and truthfully a lot of it is trial and error until you discover what works. Until then, keep an open mind and be flexible!

I hope this was a helpful post but if you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment or message me! I would love to hear from you. :) 

#momlife #twinmom